The Mess I’m In
I’m just gonna be real right now, y’all.
This week has been tough. And the past 24 hours have been tougher.
To be clear, I’m not talking like the “SOS everything bad is happening to me all at once” kind of tough. No, thankfully that is not my life today.
The “tough” I’m talking about is more like a “Wow, Jesus isn’t giving up on me, and He’s challenging me to tackle some difficult things in my heart that will ultimately bring so much freedom to my soul” kind of tough.
Even after all the growth and intimacy I experienced on the Race, there’s still junk in my heart that’s taking up room where God wants to dwell. (Hint: There’s always room to grow, and there are always deeper levels of intimacy with Jesus to experience. It’s awesome!) And He’s never stopped pursuing me. I just got a little too comfortable during those last six months at home to pay attention to what the Lord was trying to do.
Apparently it took me picking up and moving to Georgia for God to finally be able to grab my attention. Well now He’s got me, and He’s not letting go.
For some reason, a lot of people seem to get the impression that I have my life allllll together. But let me tell you a secret: I don’t!
That’s right. Maybe that’s a huge shocker to you, maybe it’s not at all. But you read that correctly. I do not have it all together.
I’ll tell you another secret, though: I may not have this great, awesome togetherness within, but what I do have is a relationship with a faithful God who holds me together.
And here’s a cool thing! I was looking up synonyms of togetherness (because who doesn’t try to use the thesaurus to sound a little smarter and cooler in their blogs???), and two of the top words are intimacy and fellowship!! What’s the first thing you think of when you hear those two words?
For me, it’s Jesus. Because He is my togetherness. And the more I fellowship with Him and intimately walk with Him, the more together my broken self will become through Him.
That’s what I’m doing now. Drawing closer to Jesus. Giving Him access to the deepest parts of my heart. Walking through the hard, painful stuff with God by my side.
It’s tough. It’s painful.
But oh is the freedom and abundant life that comes with it so, so worth it.
